shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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