is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
send nudes
from the living room?
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
