My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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