i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
they're like a gay fantastic four
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
