I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
