Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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