The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
