He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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