Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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