dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Drake has all the answers
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
