I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
