Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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