Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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