I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
You've changed since you got that strap on
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
