Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
