i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Randomize
