Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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