Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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