she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
