and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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