Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
