I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
