We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
