They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
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