I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
