I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Randomize