I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize
