I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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