Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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