why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Randomize
