new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
