I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
