My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
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