This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
