Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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