I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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