separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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