Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Randomize
