Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
