if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
