Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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