i may or may not be watching the land before time
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Boobs are out for the taking
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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