I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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