This is not my ceiling
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
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