Swine flu is the new snow day.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize
