I wish my penis had an off switch
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
