Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
