I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Everyone says I win the strip club
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The ass gains better be worth it
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