i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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