I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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