I hope mine doesn't look like that
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
