we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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