Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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