For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
