I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
