what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
