laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
