My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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