So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
