He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
