Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
