end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
