did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
