ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
