Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
